{"id":3823,"date":"2022-01-10T18:32:48","date_gmt":"2022-01-10T18:32:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pujabhakoo.com\/?page_id=3823"},"modified":"2022-01-24T18:52:47","modified_gmt":"2022-01-24T18:52:47","slug":"uncle-covid-hangs-a-planet","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.pujabhakoo.com\/?page_id=3823","title":{"rendered":"BLOG Uncle Covid hangs a Planet"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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The whole world is in power-saving mode at the moment, thanks to Uncle Covid.

There\u2019s a new oxymoron doing the rounds in the Cov\u2019Indian context: A country of 1.3 billion has come TOGETHER to stay AWAY from each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The best part about our seemingly sempiternal staycation is that there\u2019s no FOMO (fear of missing out). Nothing\u2019s happening out there, anyway.

Locked in the confines of our home as co-prisoners, my husband and I have given new monikers to each other: I call him Uncle Covid, and he calls me Aunt Corona.

This way, every time we address each other, the virulent undertones come out loud and clear.

Home is where you have the freedom to learn.

And homing in with Uncle Covid, I\u2019ve learned that marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Getting on each other\u2019s nerves (and intestines, and capillaries) we\u2019re currently doing a refreshers course in all the reasons why we should never have married.

Every morning we both look at each other and wonder afresh what a magnificent person like him\/me is doing with a weirdo like me\/him.

It\u2019s commendable that in spite of being married for decades, not once have we considered divorce.

Murder, yes, but divorce, never.

We\u2019re sleeping in separate rooms.

We\u2019re having dinner apart.

We\u2019re taking independent vacations to the balcony.

In short, we\u2019re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

Yet our knack to exchange annoying vibes across bolted doors and isolated rooms is pretty spectacular.

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The only time we find each other\u2019s company scintillating is during happy hours (in the p.m.) when shot glasses clink excitedly drowning our Covid woes \u2014 one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Sometimes through El Tesoro-tinted senses and Pinot Noir-plastered pupils, Uncle Covid notices a cobweb in the corner of the bar, and thus ensues an argument.

A crack in the wall paint, a tea stain on the table, a pimple on my dimple \u2014 no reason too inconsequential for us to start a squabble.

Yesterday we even locked horns on the number of tunaks and tuns in the tun tunak tun song.

Covid-laden darts are thrown at each other with viral relish and abandon.

Occasionally, Uncle Covid\u2019s pore great grand uncle and Aunt Corona\u2019s pore great grant aunt are pulled out from their graves and invited to join as cannon fodder in the show.

Sometimes things turn ugly.

But then home is where you have the freedom to be ugly.

I am discovering how awesome beetle brows look on me and how ethereal my face looks behind that mesh of dark facial hair.

I\u2019m watching the pepper in my hair turn to salt.

I\u2019m watching the sugar in my food coalesce to lard (nee love handles).

I\u2019m watching my body become increasingly orbicular (matlab round \u2014 for the non-Tharoor\u2019ophiles of the world).

Like Mr. Tharoor, I never use a big word where a diminutive one will do.

I don\u2019t do round \u2014 round is too pedestrian. I do orbicular \u2014 a\u2019la Veronica Lodge of the erstwhile Archie comics, who claimed that Lodges don\u2019t sweat, they perspire.

BTW all ye Fellow Orbiculars, do not despair.

According to the WRS (World Rotund Society), round is a legit shape.

Coming back to ugly, deserted beauty parlors have spawned a new species \u2014 The Ugly Beauty.

The Covidien era is all set to go down the annals of 2020 history as the Unibrowed Duckling Era.

Many a swan has shed her acquired elan.

The only consolation is that many a macho stud too has landed on his ego\u2019ator with a thud.

Yesterday I went to the pharmacy and they refused to accept my ID saying that it had my daughter\u2019s photo!

Being home has its advantages.

For one, you need no credit cards.

Earlier I used to keep my credit card in a glass of water in the freezer to fight that impulse-buying urge while I waited for the ice to thaw.

Now my credit card is gathering cobwebs in my wallet, which is gathering dust in my drawer, which is choc-a-bloc with undoable to-do lists.

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Being home has its advantages.

Home is the only bar that doesn\u2019t kick you out when the clock strikes get lost.

It\u2019s also the one restaurant that\u2019s open 24\/7 and doesn\u2019t hand you a bill at the end of your meal.

The only downside of this restaurant is that if you share my culinary skills, your family can\u2019t tell Shepherd\u2019s Pie from stuffed turai.

Yesterday I cooked chicken biryani and my kids said Mom you make awesome oats!

They trot to the dining table like a bunch of warriors and prefer to keep wearing their facemasks while eating.

They are discovering that parents aren\u2019t such bad people to live with once you get to know them.

Being home has its advantages.

No social norms to govern you, no professional protocols to piss you.

It is your legit pajama zone.

You can party cheap and cheerful.

No pants are the best pants, and pajama parties are the best parties.

Go ahead and choose pajamas over people.

They don\u2019t constrict you, they don\u2019t restrict you; best of all, they don\u2019t judge you.

There are many ways you can enjoy being trapped at home once you decide to just go ahead and make your own fun<\/p>\n\n\n\n